so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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