you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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