My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
