you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
