I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
