My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
