so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's always time for handjobs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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