You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You're like the curious george of whores
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
