There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
