I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
