No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
