eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
