So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
