If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
