You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
soo... how was my night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
