we have pet lesbian snakes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
