She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
