dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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