you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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