5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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