Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
