The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
