watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
