If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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