i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
