Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
