I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
