My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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