I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
