I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
