Im at strip club and am horny
there's paper in my vomit.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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