she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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