two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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