she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
