We're like a lot better than the average bears
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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