We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
