I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
