You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
