For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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