people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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