I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
