So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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