why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
a search helicopter?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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