you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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