yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
