I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
