Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
