Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
