I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
