You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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