True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
