i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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