Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
