It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
