I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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