So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
