I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
