Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
