If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just forgot I was standing up.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
