We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
God, I missed his penis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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